Doesn't it always seem like those who are single want to get married, and those who are married just want to be single again?
We all start out viewing our amore through rose-colored glasses, serving him as though he were a guest at a hotel, special dinners, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, and giggling at all of his jokes.
Then the vows are taken, the glasses lose their tint, and the hotel shuts its doors.
No more dreamy kisses, no more laughter, no more touching and holding hands. The "Honey, you're home!" has turned into "You're home already?" The kisses have gone with the wind and the holding hands have turned into holding pots and pans.
It doesn't have to be that way. Life could be different. A lot different.
Yes, life changes. Kids come into the picture, but that doesn't mean the burning fire has to turn into a heap of ashes. Don't let the embers burn out!
My husband, Tom, and I have been married for 34 years and we have so little in common that sometimes I wonder how we have made it for so long. We don't like the same music, the same books, the same movies, not even the same styles in clothes, furnishings, houses, cars. Our sport activities and hobbies of choice are also different...the list goes on and on.
To put it mildly, we have differences of opinions, often turning into heated debates, commonly called arguments, regarding such important topics as child rearing, finances, and where to live.
We are as far as the east is from the west, as opposite as the north pole is from the south pole. You might say we were born a generation apart. But actually we are only four years apart.
If we were friends, we would never make it!
Well, we were short-lived friends and we didn't make it. After just one year, our marriage, like an old cookie, crumbled.
But God, in His infinite wisdom, did not use one cookie cutter to make us all. He made each of us unique for a reason. And He especially made couples to complement one another. He knew that opposites attract long before we ever did.
So, what works great for a friendship does not work as well for a marriage. Like a bird needs its feathers to fly, we need those complementary perspectives on life to grow a marriage.
Similar personalities are fun for getting along with friends, but life isn't always fun. It throws curveballs when you least expect it. Finding solutions is easier when you have opposing strengths and weaknesses coming from different vantage points.
As I look back through my life, I realize the importance of being a thorn in each other's side. How would we have grown without that constructive criticism, without that accountability reminder? I would not have been as hospitable, as compassionate, as kind, if it were not for my husband's promptings. He may have lived in Neverland forever without my prodding him.
My shell of shyness was opened over the years by watching Tom's ease in conversation with anyone. His palette of foods and his time to smell the roses expanded over time.
So, if anyone is thinking that his or her relationship cannot be salvaged because of irreconcilable differences, I beg to differ. Rejoice in your uniqueness! Embrace your variations!
On another note, we do have some things we share together. Our faith in God, our love of nature, wildlife, cats and dogs, listening to the ballads of John Denver, the importance of family, road trips and traveling. Later, we acquired new hobbies together such as painting and writing.
Focusing on the little we have in common, learning from each other to spread our horizons, listening to one another's burdens, and talking about everything under the sun keeps us grounded.
It's the small and silly, though, that keeps us soaring. It's the birthday faxes received at work with lipstick kisses all over them. It's the hand made cards of our favorite times together. It's the belly aching laughter after playing our game of 'I hate when that happens ' -- all the foils and fumbles of life. It's the turning on of the music and dancing around the house. It's the massages after a stressful day. It's greeting him at the door after work as playboy bunny of the year.
Remember, never let the sun go down on your anger. Compromise and make up. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's just not worth it.
Realize that no one enjoys listening to a complainer. Keep it at a minimum. For it is better to live in a small corner with peace than to share a whole house with a quarrelsome person.
Pray for one another. Pray for your marriage. Don't let the enemy attack. He is there waiting like a prowling lion ready to pounce.
To end the story, I did marry the same man twice, but I resolved not to make the same mistake twice. I try to live by the old cliche, "Never make the same mistake twice; there are plenty of other ones around."
What we tore apart, God mended in a miraculous way.
Did that turn our lives into a Cinderella 'happily ever after' story? Not quite. There were and are many bumps in the road. We just keep dodging the potholes so we can run the race and finish well.
So, put on your bunny ears and cotton tail and have some fun!